Human Connection: A Dying Art — and a Necessity at Mediation
Tue, Dec 31st, 2024 | by Miles Mediation and Arbitration | Article | Social Share
After sitting on hold for a phone call for over 30 minutes in a failed attempt to speak with a human being about a pressing matter and having been transferred three times and having hit numerous buttons and prompts, click … I was disconnected. I moved onto the next item on my to-do list because I did not have time to go through that fun process again, so I gave a colleague a call to discuss an issue on a pending case. The call goes to voicemail instantly and I get a text stating something to the effect of, “what’s up.” While fully understanding that we all are busy and have conflicts, this was not the case in this instance. At this point, I was thinking, “what in the world do I have to do to connect with these people?” The latter example was one of those, “I do not want to talk on the phone situations, but I am glad to text” people. I’m sure we all have friends who never answer their phone but are more than willing to text back as soon as the phone starts ringing.
While I may be in the minority on this in the year 2024, I actually like talking on the phone with people. Even going to lunch with them when possible. However, I find that my attempts are mostly unsuccessful as either people do not answer their phone or send me the “what’s up” text. Things were already trending in this direction for most of us, but 2020 and COVID-19 really helped slingshot us further along at a rapid pace.
I was performing some military duty in Europe last summer and noticed something. Every time I was at dinner at a public restaurant, people were talking to each other and not staring at their phones. This point was etched in stone as soon as I got home and went out to dinner with my family and noticed the difference … everyone in the restaurant was staring at their phones and not talking to each other.
In a world of ever-growing technology that enhances the ability to connect with people, we are more disconnected than ever.
The Most Important Aspect of Mediation
I enjoy serving as a mediation coach for the University of Georgia School of Law’s General Civil Mediation class. The professor there asked me to share my “number one” piece of advice to new students learning to become mediators. My response wasn’t about negotiating techniques or using brackets or about making the mediation process more efficient.
My advice was simple: to make an actual human connection with the parties. Not because it is a system or tool to obtain a resolution, but because it is the right thing to do. Ask them to tell you about themselves and their family. Ask them to tell you about how this case or matter has affected them. In response, tell them about yourself and related experiences and situations that are relevant. Pretend that you are going to lunch for the first time and that you just want to get to know the person you are spending time with and care about what he or she has to say.
As a culture, we are losing the ability to empathize, connect, and care. In addition, we are easily manipulated and can quickly become closed off in our interactions with others. This is a basic level problem; however, throw in the stress and anxiety that occurs when you are a party in a litigated matter, and you get an enhanced disregard for human connection and empathy.
This underscores the critical importance of the mediator making that connection with the parties involved by demonstrating a true basic level of caring. This helps offset that sense of disconnectedness most of us feel much of the time, begins to create empathy and understanding between the mediator and the parties, and enhances the likelihood of settling the case.
And, this kind of connection makes a difference. I mediated a case years ago involving a complex commercial litigation matter that includes parties from another country who didn’t speak English. We had a translator, which can drastically increase the time of the mediation, but I still made the effort to get to know them, with the help of the translator, and to build that basic level of human connection. At the end of the mediation, one of the parties asked to get everyone (mediator, attorneys, and parties) in the same room because he wanted to say something. I was somewhat nervous, but I felt he had good intentions, so I made it happen. To my delight, he said something that is rare in the world of contentious litigation: “I want to thank you all for considering my concerns and working with me towards a resolution.”
Mediators (and attorneys) are generally busy and may be running short on sleep and patience; however, that is no excuse not to take the extra effort to connect with the parties or your clients.
Human connection is being lost in almost every aspect of lives. It is paramount that it is not lost when working with someone to resolve a conflict which could be the most traumatic event that they have ever been involved in outside the loss of a family member, which in some instances is the very case. Creating a genuine human connection at mediation is the most critical aspect of the mediation; not only because it is the right thing to do — but because it also benefits the parties, and the mediation process itself.
*Originally published in the Daily Report and reprinted with permission.
About Casey Crumbley
Casey C. Crumbley is an experienced mediator, arbitrator, and a veteran trial lawyer who has mediated hundreds of cases. In addition, many mediators have observed his mediations as part of their mediation training. Casey specializes in matters involving workers’ compensation, business litigation, general civil litigation, personal injury, estate planning and probate matters, and corporate/business formation.